Just another WordPress site

During my two-minute car commute to campus today, NPR cheerfully informed me that “March Madness is upon us.” Before I realized the disappointing truth… that March Madness is, in actuality, some kind of lame college sports thing… I, of course, jumped to the most probable of conclusions: March Madness (or is it March of Madness?) is obviously the result of a worldwide zombie epidemic.

The zombie seed has been sown and the inevitable madness has begun. Hide your canned brains.

Unfortunately, this March Madness sham is… well, a sham. A cunning ruse. A clever ploy to make college sports seem, somehow, more significant. And it seems that, somehow, it worked.

I don’t know. I guess I’ll never understand the fervency dedicated to the spectation of sports. And consequently, I’ll never understand why “spectation” isn’t a word. It sounds like a word, doesn’t it? Try it out: spectation. See… it sounds perfectly cromulent.

Author’s note: I’ll be the first to admit that this post is fueled largely by rage and coffee and is entirely and lovingly under-researched. But the first sentence of this post does read, “As a devoted and impassioned Mac user…” and thus, you’d be a fool to expect anything less then rage, over-caffeination, and an inadequacy of research. Having said that, please enjoy.

As a devoted and impassioned Mac user, the first thing that I felt compelled to do with a Microsoft Windows Vista machine (that I begrudgingly accepted an invitation to “test drive”) was simply to make it go away (go away, Vista. You’re too… shiny). Yeah, I just wanted to turn the whole damn thing off. I wanted to go back to my PowerBook and tell her how much I appreciate her and how I’d be a fragile, broken mess without her. But I knew better than to display weakness in front of this unfamiliar beast. And I knew that being faced with the uncluttered comfort of a blank monitor was enough to calm me until I could muster up the strength to go in once more.

Right… so all I wanted to do was to shut the damn thing off. Is that too much to ask? Well apparently it is. Microsoft, holding true to their standard practice of redefining the way things work, has decided to take the universal symbol for on/off and redefine it to mean something else… hibernate or sleep or power-nap or pass-out or whatever they’re calling it now… which is anything but “off.”

Damn it, Microsoft! You can’t do that! You can’t take the tried and true on/off symbol and make it mean something else! That’s infuriating! Think of all the millions of other electronic devices that rely on the universal definition of that symbol. What if Microsoft, in their next iteration of Windows… let’s call it, oh I don’t know, Vomit… Microsoft Windows Vomit, decided to redefine the color red to mean “keep on truckin'” instead of what it is universally known to mean: stop. It would be chaos. Pure traffic chaos. The prolific nature of the Windows operating system is such that millions of its users will be forced to reassociate the color red with “keep on truckin'” instead of “stop.” Millions will die horrible traffic related deaths… all by way of your bloody hands, Microsoft. Can you have that on your conscience? Are you powerful enough to have that weighing down on your soul? Sadly, Microsoft, you probably are. Sigh…

Anna Nicole Smith is dead… yet somehow, life goes on.

Virtually waxing David Hasselhoff’s chest.

Yes, I think the internet has finally reached its peak.

Sadly, there’s nowhere to go from here, but down.

(Link) (Via) (Part I?) (I heart parenthesis)

Yesterday, I spent some time studying in the Yale University library. I thought that I was going to get the snot kicked out of me when I pulled out a folder with the Quinnipiac logo proudly featured on the front. No need to worry about me though. I’m suffering from a bit of a cold as of late, and have been experiencing some nasal congestion… and so consequently, whatever snot the Yalies decided to kick out of me would have been much appreciated. See… we all win.

Tragically, no actual snot was kicked out of, or by, anyone. But I did, however, feel unwelcome from the get-go. I couldn’t even connect to the Yale wireless network… actually, I couldn’t even find the Yale wireless network. It must be some hidden Skull & Bones secret society thingy. I guess that I need to know the special handshake before I can be granted permission to check my email.

Yeah, Yale… it’s old and pretty and all that, but my heart belongs to QU. Go Bobkittens! Meow!

Anne Geddes is not an artist, and what she does is not art. I don’t exactly know what it qualifies as, but it’s definitely not art. It’s unholy and disturbing (and not in the delightfully evil Danzig sort of way). Furthermore, anyone who encourages Ms. Geddes to continue with her… oh I don’t know… craft?, should be punished severely. Really, all y’all who feel compelled to buy posters and calendars and all of her other assorted schlock, need to be evaluated by a professional mental physician. There seems to be something very wrong with you.

But don’t beat yourself up about it. Millions fall victim to her demonic scheme daily. Yes, millions. I don’t know how… drop a baby in flower pot and people get all weak in the knees… dress an infant in a bumblebee costume, and hot damn!, the masses are ready to do her bidding. Truly, it’s a frightening glimpse into the future: Anne Geddes and her legion of hypnotic Bumblebee Babies leading humanity to their doom. Yeah, I’m pretty sure Ms. Geddes is Satan.

Now Thomas Kinkade, on the other hand… there’s an artist whose schlock I can really get behind…

The same group of people that brought us the H-Bomb (you know, scientists) have finally developed something genuinely useful: the caffeinated doughnut.

Geez… it’s about damn time.

And as always, don’t forget to wash your hands before you eat.

(via Neat-o-rama… who is apparently playing a little game of link trade with yours truly!)

This is the most worthless, pathetic, and tragic excuse for a New England winter that I, in any (and all) of my long 28 years of an excruciatingly confusing existence, have ever experienced. It’s January 19th… and this is it!? This is all you’ve got!? Worthless! Pathetic! Tragic! Winter, you’re a slacker. Get a job, you bum. And no, you may not “crash on my couch till you get things sorted out.”

I write this as I sit, contentedly, in the cleverly titled coffee shop, koffee too?, located in historic downtown New Haven. It’s a gloomy day. Gray, dreary, cheerless (my favorite kind)… and I feel elated. Perhaps, however, it’s more the effects of the finely caffeinated beverage in my hand, than a tangible manifestation of happiness, exuding reluctantly from the damp January air. Ahh yes… life truly is beautiful.

And, of course, so is coffee.

It seems that my pal, cohort, and all-around swell guy, Tim, is a treasure trove of audio snippets. Go here, and click the big red button. You’ll hear his audio debut. Anyway, with his permission, I’ve posted this voicemail that he left on my phone earlier today. Tim wants an iPhone too. Umm… click play (sometimes twice):

REMOVED! Umm… why didn’t anyone tell me that certain browsers are autoplaying this clip (even though I specifically set autoplay to “false.” Really. I did!)??? Well, sorry about that. Must have been pretty annoying. Anyway, click HERE to give it a listen.

This is the last iPhone related post. I promise… for today, anyway.