Just another WordPress site

At 12:01 a.m., my little sister and I somehow managed to be the first in line at the local MediaPlay, where they were selling hundreds of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince books to screaming 14 year olds… along side one screaming 27 year old, of course.

Yes, I walked proudly to the check out counter (actually, we had to run… and I may have shoved a pre-teen girl into a DVD display. But amidst the chaos, it was hard to see whom I shoved). I held in my grubby little paws one of the first copies of the latest volume of the Harry Potter series to fall into the hands of the consumer populous. And I could feel the dark side of the force flowing through my wand… Oh, wait. I’m mixing nerd cultures. How embarrassing.

How we got in the first place spot is beyond me. I guess that we were just standing in the right place at the right time. They basically announced that the line would form where we were standing. Why we were there at midnight is also beyond me. It was an afterthought really… I had a gift certificate from last Hanukkah… my little sister thought that MediaPlay might be doing a midnight Harry Potter thing. And well, you can figure out the rest.

I do feel a bit guilty though. I mean, I’m really not a big Harry Potter fan at all. I read the books… they’re fun. But that’s where my fanaticism ends. There were many others in line that were far more deserving of the coveted first place spot than I… or were they? Hmmm…

Well then, I guess the bottom line here is that they lose. And more importantly, I win. Suckers! Eat my dust you muggle-humping morons! Harry Potter loves me more! He chose me to be the first to accompany him on his grand adventure. So, step off cuz Hagrid’s got my back! Don’t make me get all Voldemort on your ass. etc…

This is important… probably the most important thing that I’ve ever blogged about (aside from my new shoes, of course). So, pay attention: Opeth, the most amazing Swedish melodic death metal quintet on this plane of existence, is set to release their newest masterwork, entitled Ghost Reveries, on August 30th. Here is the cover art. Here is the track listing. Here is the iCal event. And here is a lo-fi preview of track 7, The Grand Conjuration.

Sambot.com’s Definitive Guide To Bicycle Frame Painting
or
How To Get Evicted In 12 Easy Steps

Step 1. Always paint inside. This allows for quicker access to beer… which as it turns out, you won’t even need seeing as the paint fumes do a bang up job of killing those useless brain cells anyway. Ventilation shmentilation.

Step 2. Don’t paint in your room. Paint in a common area… like the living room. Why should you be the only one inconvenienced?

Step 3. Never tell the landlord… and if possible, try to avoid telling the housemates. If the housemates do catch wind of your little project, try to confuse them and change the subject:

Housemates: Sam, why is there a bicycle shaped outline of orange spray paint on the living room floor?
Sam: Yo’ mamma’s a bicycle shaped outline of orange spray paint on the living room floor.
Housemates: That’s not an answer.
Sam: Neither is your mom… and she doesn’t even pay rent!
Housemates: What?
Sam: Exactly. Now, what’s for dinner?

Step 4. Use high adhesive duct tape to adhere large sheets of brown paper to the walls and furniture. Make sure the paper blocks all available exits. As an added bonus, you’ll find that when you remove the duct tape, it will leave behind a gooey residue that will never come off. This will be a constant reminder of a job well done.

Step 5. Take apart the bike and tape up all the important blah blah blah…

Step 6. Time to paint the frame! Hopefully, by this point you’ve picked out an obnoxious color (like “pumpkin orange”). Well, what are you waiting for? Grab that can of spray paint and start spraying! Tip: Don’t waste time shaking up the paint. That will only provide a boring uniform coating. You want an uneven gloopy mess on your frame… that way, the color is more like “pumpkin gut orange.”

At this point, your feet are most likely covered in paint and filth (did I mention that you should always paint barefoot?). Instead of tracking paint through the house (your housemates might be able to point the blame at you if they match up the footprints on the carpet with your feet), stick paper towels to the bottoms of your feet. Now you’re evidence-free and one of the cool kids. Yea!

Step 7. Sit/fall down. Are the fumes getting to you? Keep those windows closed. You don’t want any of the paint odor to escape and alert the landlord.

Step 8. Make sure you handle the frame while the paint is still wet. Flip the bike over to paint the other side. Wipe hands on carpet or walls, whichever is closer.

Step 9. Repeat steps 6 through 8 until there is no paint left.

Step 10. Reassemble bike.

Step 11. Ride into sunset.

Step 12. Ignore the hurtful ridicule from everyone who sees you riding a “pumpkin gut orange” monstrosity.

…and that’s all there is to it! Good luck!

I noticed that in the new version of iTunes, the user does not have access to to the Podcast directory unless the Itunes Music Store is turned on. Slick Apple… very slick.

Podcasting, a feature not invented by Apple but now fully adopted by them, is fueled primary by free content (don’t know what Podcasting is? Click here to read all about it). Yet in order to get to that free content, the user is forced to sift through the Music Store.

Really, it’s not a big deal. But, think of this: Podcasting is at no (or minimal) cost to Apple. They host a directory of Podcasts but not the Podcasts themselves. Those are hosted elsewhere, which means that the bandwidth load is not of Apple’s concern or cost. Why then do we have to go to the Music Store to get to the directory? My guess is that it’s a trade off. Nothing is ever free. For the user to be allowed to enjoy the convenience of Podcasting built directly into iTunes, they must at least glance at the revenue generating material. It’s like listening to broadcast radio. It’s not free. Those horribly annoying and grating commercials are there to pay for the content. Or rather, that content is there to bring an audience to those commercials.

Let’s get a few things straight though, I love the new Podcasting features of iTunes. I use them daily, and adapted to them almost immediately. Yet I can’t help but think that Apple is being a bit exploitive by integrating this free and open community in with its paid services. I am confident that Apple is the right company to push Podcasting forward. But now is not the time for them to gain financially from this open culture.

Podcasting is an interesting phenomena (maybe we’ll discuss it more thoroughly later). It’s really the next logical step up from blogging. What makes it so remarkable, is that it’s easy to produce and the results can be incredible with a minimal effort. Any kid can sit down at their Mac (or PC) and hammer out a Podcast and distribute it freely. Like blogging, thoughts and ideas and content flow easily and abundantly. And I am in total support of this ideal. I want it to remain free and I want it to be open, but I don’t want a corporation (Apple or any) to have its fingers molding this open community.

Apple is king when it comes to making complex procedures accessible to everyday users. iTunes is the perfect medium for simplifying Podcasts for use by everyone. I don’t want to see the potential of Podcasting suppressed by a corporation’s need to capitalize on the next big thing.

As an aside however, I’m still fully stoked by the iTunes Podcasting features. The trade off is a small one… and one that I’m willing to endure in order to use these features. We’ll see where the future takes Podcasting. The potential is there people… run with it! Run like a tight t-shirt clad teenage girl being chased through the woods by a chain-saw wielding maniac wearing a mask made of human skin. Run!

sambot.com has been getting a ton of hits from interneters (interneter n. one who internets.) who come by way of search engine. These brave souls are seeking pictures and information about “Sam, the ugliest dog” and somehow end up here. Well my lost friends, “Sam, the ugliest dog” does not reside within these pages. No, “Sam, the ugliest dog” lives elsewhere. This is the home of Sam, the most attractive troglodyte.

But, so as not to dissuade my newfound readership and to preserve my upped traffic statistics, here is a picture of Sam, the ugliest dog. Enjoy (if you can).

It’s been a long time in the making. Well, that’s not true. Three days maybe… but months upon months of procrastination (and as I’ve mentioned before, I’m a pro at ‘crastinating)! Anyway, that little button up there in the upper right corner of sambot… you know, the one that reads “portfolio,” but has never once pointed to anything even remotely resembling a portfolio? Yeah, you see it. Well, click on it. Go ahead. Don’t be afraid… yet.

The site is called disinfekt. It’s going to house my creative endeavors for a while. As of right now, twelve pieces live on disinfekt.com. I am considering the site to be my mini/temporary portfolio. Mini because it’s not quite as elaborate or feature-rich as I envisioned it to be. Temporary because it’s only a working prototype. But, I’ve got some interviews for freelance projects coming up, and I needed to have something online. And there you have it.

go: disinfekt.com

Check it out. Let me know your thoughts.

I just spent the last half hour being so goth… or was I being patriotic? Well regardless of what mode I was in, I sat on a gravestone in a graveyard and celebrated our nations independence by watching things explode into shiny colors high above.

Ohhh… shiny…

There were a few other goth patriots there. In fact, I almost stepped on one… he was clad in pure darkness (as any good goth should be. Unless you’re an ironic goth. Then pink is ok). Much to my delight, the other goth patriots accepted me into their clan almost immediately. Twas to my immediate benefit that I chose to wear a black t-shirt this evening. Twas also to my benefit that it was too dark for them to notice that this particular black t-shirt came from Disney’s Epcot Center. Had they realized their folly, I would have surely died… during the Dungeons & Dragons game that we played after the fireworks. (I wish!)

Hmmm… I just checked out my June web stats via The Webalizer (it would enhance this post greatly if you would use your most intimidating Arnold voice while reading the words “The Webalizer.” Thank you for your cooperation). The following is a list of the top 5 search strings that users submitted to their favorite search engine, which in turn pointed them to sambot.com (those poor, misguided souls):

1) satan
2) death star
3) guitar smash
4) darkness
5) smash guitar

Satan as number one!? Hell yeah! Although, I can’t help but be a little concerned. Ah well, I sold my immortal soul to the devil long ago… in exchange for a Nintendo, as I recall.

My favorite search string however, clocks in at lucky number 14.

14) toilet

Oh, how appropriate.

Click here for the full list.

I knew Blogger wouldn’t let me down. They’ve fixed their stupid formating problem. Hooray!

It’s interesting to note that in all of the past posts where I was annoyed by Blogger, I never once linked to them. Now that Blogger is back on my A-list, I felt it appropriate to express my love for them once again. Love, as you know, comes in many shapes and sizes. This one takes the form of a hyperlink.

Part I: Streetfighter… what the!?

Over the past week, my housemate and I enjoyed a steady flow of low-brow humor. Subjects like mounting and dismounting, cranks, and lube furnished us with an endless onslaught of snickering and that’s what she said‘s (it really does not take much to amuse us). The inspiration for this middle-school-like hilarity was provided to us by Project Streetfighter Single Speed. Yes, quite a mouthful (that’s what she said), I know… but bear with me. The Streetfighter isn’t as complex as her name implies. In fact, one of the the main objectives during the conception of the Streetfighter was to make her as simple and unencumbered as possible.

So, what is the Streetfighter? This question is better answered by explaining what the Streetfighter once was: A Raleigh Technium 440 road bicycle from the early eighties (I think). During the 440’s heyday, it was a quality road bike. Aluminum frame, down tube shifting, twelve speeds, surface to air nuclear rocket mounts, etc… Currently however, the 440 is held together almost entirely by duct tape, and for the past I-have-no-idea-how-many years, the bike just sat quietly in my former apartment’s basement… collecting rust and patiently waiting (and hoping) to die. But I just couldn’t let that happen. Assisted suicide is still illegal in this state, and until I’m told otherwise, it’s my civic duty to prolong life… no matter how much pain, suffering, and misery the subject is experiencing. Nope… death is something you earn, you wuss. Suck it up and deal. No fear! Extreme sports! Et cetera, et cetera… Anyway, I brought the 440 with me to my new location, where I was determined to breathe new life into her tired, thermal-bonded, aluminum composite frame. I figured, while I was enjoying my retirement… er, unemployment, the 440 would make a superb project bike.

Thanks for the enthralling history lesson, but I still don’t know what the heck the Streetfighter is? Ok, ok… keep your pants on. The Streetfighter is a single speed road bike. Essentially, this is a road bike (You remember the ten-speed you had as a kid, right? Well, that style of bicycle is called a road bike. And, it probably had more than ten speeds. But for some reason, we all called them “ten speeds.”) with all of the gears and all of the deurailers (the mechanism that moves the chain from gear to gear) and all of the shifters and everything related, removed. In their place, only one chainring (bigger gear in the front, near the pedals) and one cog (smaller gear mounted on the rear wheel hub) remain. This makes the bike ride similarly to a BMX bike, in that there is no shifting. This bike has a freewheel installed (which allows me to pedal backwards without actually going backwards). Some more adventurous cyclists ride what is called a “fixed gear.” That is when the rear cog is mounted in place and cannot freewheel. So, if one were to pedal backwards on a fixed gear bike, the bike would actually travel backwards. On this type of bicycle, the rider is constantly pedaling when the bike is moving. In fact, the only time the pedals are at rest is when the bicycle is at rest. This is great for track bikes and, as I’ve mentioned, more adventurous riders. However, this is not the kind of riding that I wanted to do. And thus, the single speed freewheel alternative is the perfect solution for me.

Ok… a single speed. I get it. But why would you want to ride a single speed? Aren’t those gears there to make cycling more efficient and enjoyable? Well, yes… but there’s more to it than that. The single speed bicycle is what I believe to be the ideal bike for urban conditions. There’s a lot of starting and stopping during city riding. In certain situations, there’s little time to think, let alone shift gears. Abrupt stops are to be expected in city riding. Stopping at traffic light in a high gear sucks. When you start up again, you are about as fast as a slug stuck in Hartford rush hour traffic. This isn’t a concern on a single speed. The gear ratio (customized for each rider’s style and size) is set in such a way that starts are smooth yet the cyclist is not required to sacrifice a respectable top speed. Theoretically, the bike is lighter too. There’s nothing on it that doesn’t need to be there. And incidentally, there’s much less that can break.

In short, riding a single speed road bike is one of the easiest types of bicycles to ride and maintain. Especially, if city riding is your main focus. As an added bonus, the single speed’s inherent simplicity enables any schmo (myself included) the ability to build one from entirely used/old/cheap parts… as you will no doubt discover while reading on.

Fine, fine, fine. But why “The Streetfighter” moniker? Ahhh… there you go. Good question. For this one, I can only give a cryptic answer. You see, I don’t know the exact origins of the name “Streetfighter” but I can explain how it came into my world: A good friend of mine… we’ll call him Brendan M. No, that’s too obvious. How ’bout B. Miller? Let’s just refer to him as “Miller Genuine Draft.” MGD for short… A good friend of mine, MGD, always spoke (no pun intended) of the Streetfighter ___________. The blank is the placeholder for whatever project he happened to be involved with at the moment. At one time it was the Streetfighter Drum Set. Then there was the Streetfighter Motorcycle. As I recall, there was even the Streetfighter Toolbox that aided MGD on these elaborate undertakings. So, in short, the Streetfighter prefix has less to do with the actual subject of the project and more to do with its general character. You see, Streetfighter projects tended to be… how should I say this… not pretty. Yep, there was nothing attractive about a Streetfighter anything. Most of the time, a Streetfighter project was downright ugly. Parts were often yoinked from other projects (sometimes other Streetfighters). Most parts had to be retrofit for use on the project at hand. Colors never matched. Paint was always chipped. But, the one redeeming factor, the glue that held all Streetfighters together, was the first-rate craftsmanship and all around well-built nature of the Streetfighters. They were solid. Rugged and raw. Hardcore.

As is Project Streetfighter Single Speed.

(Stay tuned for Project Streetfighter Single Speed, Part II: Construction Woes and Triumphs, and Bicycle Themed Wine… coming atchya as soon as I get off my lazy butt and write it.)